Monday, September 26, 2011

COASTING THROUGH LIFE

As I mentioned in the bedroom redo post, we switched the trunk that used to be at the end of the bed for the trunk that we used as a coffee table. It actually works much better this way, and is one of those things that once you do, you can't figure out why it didn't occur to you to do it that way in the beginning, but there you go. The trunk that is now being used as a coffee table is a studded leather Moroccan chest:



Although I usually have books on it so it looks more like this:



Now, I have never been much of a coaster person. I have always felt that you can divide the world into two types of people, those who make you use a coaster in their home, and those who don't. Guess which type I like better? This probably has to do with the fact that the first strict coaster user I was exposed to was my Wicked Stepmonster who went on to call me fat when I was 12 (and I wasn't fat, but really does it fucking matter? I was 12! I already hated myself!), try to disown my sister, and then once my dad died she had him cremated, absconded overseas with the ashes and it took us a year to find out that she buried his remains in the yard of the country house. Not even the back yard. The front yard. Next to the cat. I am not making this shit up. So you can see that I come by my coaster-loathing fairly.

But yesterday was the baby's third birthday (yay!) and we had a party for him and his little friends (it was a Make Your Own Ice Cream Sundae party at 11 AM. And I wonder why none of the moms at that school like me). After the party, our families stayed to watch the Eagles game, about which I will say nothing except I'm not at all sorry that Michael Vick broke his hand, now he knows a little better how all those dogs felt, and at some point during the afternoon I heard Ted tell someone to use a coaster. I almost choked right there, and loudly declared that no one had to use a coaster in THIS house, and WTF? and we don't even OWN any coasters and why was he going all Wicked Stepmonster on me? To which everyone responded that water rings were not good for leather or books and it was time to invest in some coasters.

So I did some looking around today (not, of course, during work hours or anything like that) and found some beautiful ones from Jonathan Adler:


Tell me those are not amazing and meant to be mine! Well, that's kind of a crappy photo so maybe you can't tell, but they are amazing. But alas, they are about $70 for four, and that's a little more than I want to spend, especially since we often have more than four people drinking at one time. So I went on Etsy and found these for sale here:


Which are less than 1/2 the price and I might like them even more. Yay, Etsy! However, I have yet to solve the main problem, which is that I do not believe that there is any way to ask a guest in your home to use a coaster that doesn't make you sound like a total asshole. "Um, I'm so sorry, but would you mind using a coaster?" I don't want to be that person. I want to punch that person in the face! It makes your guest feel like an unmannered boor, and makes you look like you think your furniture is so fucking fabulous that a few drops of condensation is the end of the world. You guys, I'm desperate. Is there any way to promote coaster use without coming across like a douche? Help me!

XOXOXO
ABC
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21 comments

Anonymous
September 27, 2011 at 2:28 PM

A ha. A great blog. Im not a coaster person and would probably choke if i had to ask someone to use a coaster in my house. With that said water rings are really bad for leather. I think you're screwed. You could buy the coasters put them out prominently and hope for the best ( or make a snazzy little sign)

Laura tancredi

September 27, 2011 at 2:39 PM

Thanks, Laura, I feel validated! I think my only option is to strategically place coasters all over and see what happens...

XOXOXO
ABC

Anonymous
September 28, 2011 at 11:30 AM

Here's your core coaster problem: most people your age have not been properly acquainted with such a seemingly ridiculous notion. Of course, being your mother, this is more than a bit like the pot calling ... well, you know the rest. But moving on, I quite like the sign idea, and would recommend a large one, with instructions and diagrams, strategically placed in your soon-to-be fab new foyer. And just BTW, I'm more than relieved that my mother's Hepplewhite chest, albeit handed-down early with much implied psychological baggage, isn't doing duty as an end table. All of which is NOT by way of any sort of exoneration to the you-know-who for humiliating my first-born, especially when we know what she really meant was: your mother sucks. How side-ways, how needless! I mean, really! There's the phone, just call me.

Love, mummy

Anonymous
September 28, 2011 at 10:15 PM

I think the logical scheme of inviting coasters into a hang-out scenario goes like this: You are getting your guest their first drink. When you do, you put it down in front of them with a coaster. If they are family and are getting their own drink, you should be able to say - i have a coaster for you

September 28, 2011 at 10:19 PM

OMG, a rational, sane answer to the $64-thousand-dollar coaster question! Who are you? And why are you wasting time with this shit when you should obviously be solving the Middle East situation, with those brains? I don't care, don't ever leave me, Anonymous Responder!

XOXOXO
ABC

Elizabeth Wolff
October 2, 2011 at 7:42 PM

Maybe just get a piece of glass the size of the top of the trunk. Voila.

November 8, 2011 at 5:20 AM

That is one big box, being a coaster person isn't too bad you know.

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