Tuesday, November 1, 2011


Who the fuck is Manty? Is that what you're wondering? Well, I can pretty much guarantee that whatever you're thinking, you're wrong.

When I imagined my kids begging for a pet, I thought it would be a dog. When I imagined them bringing home a stray and asking if they could keep it, pleeeeeeease? I pictured a kitten. But no. Not my kids. My kids have adopted a fucking bug.

Mercy, The Amazing Nanny, often sends pictures to Ted and me throughout the day; shots of the kids playing, eating lunch, trashing the house, whatever. It's really thoughtful and nice of her, and the photos are cute (and have the added benefit of not including the noise that is accompanying the activities pictured). The other day I get home and Ted says, Oh, did you see the photo Mercy sent this afternoon? I'm like, no, I didn't get any pictures today. Ted then realizes that Mercy didn't send me this photo for a reason, and that he's a big moron for mentioning it. But of course, now I have to see it:

In case you can't tell, those are my sons sitting in our foyer entranced by a praying mantis. I mean, seriously? I clearly did not know what the fuck I was getting into when we moved to the country. First the dead mouse, and now a live praying mantis. When Ted showed me the photo, I was unpsyched, but whatever, it's a bug, you take it outside where it belongs and move on. However, as the full story came out, it was revealed that the bug was still in the motherfucking house! That's right. The whole family felt that it was way too cold outside for a praying mantis and if he was returned to his natural habitat he might die. I was like, exactly! Circle of life and all that. But I was overruled by everyone else and so the search began to find an appropriate home for Manty the praying mantis, our new pet.

In other news (sort of...), as the weather outside was indeed getting cold, Ted decided that we needed to bring in the bougainvillea plants that flank our front door. I was thinking that we'd keep them in the garage for the winter, but Ted lugged them into the tiny foyer and left them there:

Again, I was unpsyched. But for the rest of the family, this was the answer to their dilemma! Now Manty could move into the foyer and live in the bougainvillea for the winter. I am not kidding when I say that this seemed like a great idea to everyone. Ted, Andrew, William, Mercy, my sister Logan (Auntie Sissy), everyone. So now I have two trees in my foyer and a pet bug:

They have put water out for him, and there is talk of buying him crickets to eat. I am also constantly being warned to be careful when I exit and enter the house so that I don't cause any harm to Manty. WTF? How is this my life? If I didn't already drink, this would drive me to it. As it is, I am going to have to up my martini intake substantially. It's a good thing we taught the kids how to shake a cocktail.

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Auntie Sissy
November 2, 2011 at 9:46 PM

I am So glad to hear that Manty is still doing well. Now - you might want the dowse the leaves with water so he can drink off the leaves. I am not currently in-house to hand-water feed him with drops from a twig (he's so cute when he drinks). And for the record - it was Mercy and I who heaved those bougainvillea's in out of the cold while Ted was at work.

Auntie Sissy
November 2, 2011 at 9:47 PM

And you MUST go buy him some crickets!! He is hungry!!

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