Wednesday, July 25, 2012

FUCK-ME SHOES I CAN'T AFFORD

I am not even one of those women who is really into shoes. But even I have waaaay too many pairs. But I always want more. What IS it about shoes?? Anyway, here are the ones that I would buy right now if I a) won the lottery, b) wasn't married to a total cheapskate or c) was actually willing to have sex in exchange for shoes:

Bottega Veneta
I am in love with these. I would marry them in a heartbeat. I would even consider having sex in exchange for a pair, if I could find someone willing to take me up on that deal (highly unlikely). And they are practical! Well, relatively speaking. 

No Idea Who Makes These
These are perfect pale pink princess shoes, and they are sexy without being totally whore-ish. However, practical they are not.

Valentino
Heaven. The cut-outs? The strap in the middle? The super-high heel? I love it all. And the strap means that despite the super-high heel, they won't fall off your feet. I mean, you might fall off them, but that's another problem entirely.

Alexander McQueen
The grey/silver color is divine, and combined with the gold accents it's genius. Again, not the most practical of footwear, but whatever. 

Michael Kors

These are practical, on the other hand, and yet still manage to be totally sexy. And what the fuck are they anyway? Are they boots? Sandals? Pumps? Who knows. I need me a pair!

Lanvin
A-MA-ZING. The snakeskin compared with the ribbon bows at the back is perfection, and the color is just pink enough not to be neutral. And I would argue that while these are not going to be the shoes you wear most often, they are also not "limousine shoes." I mean, you could dress them up or down, you know?

Gucci
The color is what did it for me with this pair. I am a sucker for anything in the olive/army green family. Also, the t-strap is awesome and again means that you are unlikely to fall out of your shoes. Which is embarrassing. Or so I've heard.

Burberry
I know. I know. These are booties. And booties are generally man-repellers. But this pair is hot. LOOK at them, for Christ's sake! and I think that part between the straps is sheer. HOT.

Christian Louboutain

Yes, I know. Another pair of man-repelling booties. And these I can't really argue are so hot. But I love them with my whole heart anyway - that bow! Two shades of pink! And black trim, so you can wear them with black tights :)

Valentino
I don't really think these need any explanation.

Yves Saint Laurent
After olive green, I love purple. And these have the all important safety strappage. In addition, the high platform makes the incredibly high heel actually wearable.

So there you have it. Eleven pairs of shoes that would fill the hole in my heart that I've been drinking to try and make go away... Oh, I jest! I drink because it's fun, not to fill shoe-shaped holes in my heart! Don't be ridiculous. Now excuse me as I top off my glass...

XOXOXO
ABC
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14 comments

July 25, 2012 at 6:59 AM

This is an ode to the shoe gods.
Love them all, but those army green Gucci peep-toes? I think my heart actually skipped a beat.

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