Wednesday, January 23, 2013


I know it seems like life is all rainbows, sunshine, and unicorns up in this piece, but I'm busting my ass at, like, (arguably) four jobs to keep the lights on and food on the table (I guess Ted's job at an investment bank helps a little). And despite being incredibly lazy, I do manage to get some work done every now and then.

One of my four(-ish) jobs is changing people's homes from big fat messes to beautiful spaces. When it comes to this particular endeavor, my main problem is my friends and relations who "hired" me clients. Most of them don't listen to a word I say, are even lazier than I am when it comes to choosing paint color and the like, and balk at spending any money at all on improving their living conditions. It's a wonder that I am kind enough to keep them on the roster. But I'm a giver!

Client #7 proved an exception (and I'm happy to say that Clients #8 and #9 are showing great promise as well), and was as enthusiastic about her living room redo as I was. She's a mom with two AMAZING kids that I hope my wretches grow up to be half as good as. I bonded especially with her eight-year-old son G, who was crucial to many of the projects - handing me a hammer or screwdriver when I needed it, and chatting with me about important matters like who Dead Pool is in the Marvel Comic Universe.

Anyway, Desiree was the PERFECT client, and once I get really good After pictures of the entire room, I'll tell you the whole story, which includes a semi-scary Craig's List purchase in a parking lot, a Pinterest board that threatened to take over the world, and me cajoling more favors from people at my "real" job.

But in the meantime, here's a preview of the fireplace transformation:


Big Fat Mess
If you are wondering why there is a television set mounted to the mantel of a working fireplace, I have no answer for you. If you're wondering what those four square holes are in the brick, well, that's something people apparently did in the olden days to get the fire to actually heat the house instead of sending all the heat up the chimney. They are usually covered with metal registers.


Beautiful Space
And when I tell you that those registers were by FAR the hardest fucking part of the whole job, I am not kidding.

But stay tuned for the whole shebang - I promise you will be impressed. Well, I don't promise, but I'm pretty sure. Like, 99 %.

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