Tuesday, April 7, 2015


Oh, calm down. I'm not getting married. The wedding bells are for my dear cousin and his awesome fiancĂ© and I am thrilled for them both, but let's turn our attention back where it belongs. Me. You have proven helpful in the past (I ended up wearing the second dress, FYI) and I'm hoping for similar results.

As this will be my first post-divorce family affair, I'm looking forward to warm and loving support from my extended family (well, warm and loving WASP-style, so plenty of pats on the shoulder and sympathetic head tilts to express all the feelings). I'm also prepared for lots of "How are you doing?" and basically it would be nice if I could look like I'm doing really, really well.

Incidentally, I'm actually doing pretty well, but that's almost beside the point. What matters is how I look - and I mean that in a totally non-superficial way. Seriously. All I want is to look pretty and not have my clothes make me uncomfortable, which can be a challenge with party-type dresses. There will be enough potentially uncomfortable-making things at the wedding; I refuse to have my dress be one of them.

Help, loyal readers. I have narrowed it down to three choices (they are all from grey and they are all from J. Crew, deal with it):

I ordered all three and they all fit and my date (yes, I have a date, were you worried I was going to end up a single crazy cat lady?) is proving less than helpful in narrowing it down to a winner so help me.

This is the most, well, demure dress of the bunch, and may also be the most comfortable since it's also the only one that's not strapless so I don't have to worry about pulling the top up all night. Plus, it has pockets. Pockets! I like the neckline, but is the dress too prudish looking? Is that even a thing? The color is very cool in person, btw. I like this dress.

You may be thinking that the top looks a little 80s-soap-opera-ish, and you're not wrong. But it's less so in person if that makes any sense. However, while the v in the neckline looks fine on the 90 lb model, it makes this dress a bit sexy times for someone who wears a 32D brassiere. And I do not want to look sexy times. Also, the color is a little weird. I may hate this dress. Also, full disclosure, I haven't tried it on yet.

Option 3: This is sort of in between, not slutty but not 8th-grade-prom either. However. Does it look like a mother-of-the-bride dress? Because while I do not want to look sexy times, I do not (DO NOT) want to look like the mother of the bride. No offense to the actual mother of the actual bride, whom I have never met but who, I am sure, is a lovely person and very attractive, it's just not the look I'm going for at this particular event (I'm not sure it's a look anyone is ever going for, including the mother of the bride, but I could be wrong). 

Anyway, right now Option 3 is the front runner, but I clearly need guidance. Weigh in with a comment and tell me what to wear!

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