Thursday, February 25, 2016


When I moved to Connecticut, I was lucky enough to find a house I loved. Except for the kitchen. I only really "liked" the kitchen.

My dream kitchen involves white cabinets, grey streaked granite countertops, a stainless steel undermount sink, glass subway tile for the backsplash, pendant lamps over a breakfast bar where the kids could pull up stools for a meal... Never mind, I'll just show you:

So the dark wood cabinets, green laminate counters, recessed lighting, no counter for the kids, green laminate counters, and white drop-in sink - while not awful and certainly much, much better than it could have been - were making me sort of sad, kitchen-wise:

Yes, That Is A Baking Sheet In The Sink. Yes, I Was Too Lazy To Wash It For The Photos.
Also, This Is Easily The Cleanest My Kitchen Has Been Since Moving In.
How Much Do You Love The Decorative Tile Above The Range?
My initial plan to cure me of my kitchen sadness involved a new counter, sink, and backplash. After a trip to Home Depot, a visit with one of their "Kitchen Consultants," and a ballpark estimate of $3,000 (and the Kitchen Consultant wouldn't listen to me AT ALL and just kept saying that everything I wanted was impossible and basically trying to boss me into dumb ideas, so I wouldn't even be getting what I wanted anyway. Not that I'm still bitter about those three hours of my life that I will never get back or anything.)

Needless to say, while my kitchen was not ideal there are several (SEVERAL) ways in which I would rather spend $3K than on renovating my kitchen into something I also don't like. I began to explore, uh, less expensive options. Well, to be honest, I started looking for the cheapest possible way to turn the current kitchen into something I loved. (I am an optimistic person.)

Granite is too pricey? No problem! Head to Amazon and search for "instant granite." (No, I am not kidding.) After reading A LOT of customer reviews, and looking at A LOT of customer photos, I ended buying this. I know. It's a sticker. It's basically (slightly) fancier shelf liner. I am aware. However, two rolls cost me $120 and I figured if it looked terrible I could chalk it up to a learning experience.

My sticker granite arrived and I could barely wait to get started on the magical transformation of my sad-making kitchen:

Sticker Granite! AKA The Beginning Of  Magical Kitchen Transformation!
After watching at least ten video tutorials, it was clear that unlike shelf liner (I assume, I have never actually lined a single shelf so I don't know for sure), the installation of sticker granite is no joke. 

From the videos, it was clear that it was important not only have all the right tools, but (and every single video stressed this) to get someone else's help. Apparently turning laminate counters into "granite" with a giant sticker is not a one-man job.

I was all set with the tools:

Water Sprayer, Staple Gun, Hair Dryer, Painting Tape, Box Cutter, And Plastic Smoother Thing.
But despite the (in retrospect, very good) advice given out in all of those video tutorials, I chose to go it alone on the installation. I have no explanation as to why I thought this was a good idea - it was not. At all. In the next installment, I will elaborate on exactly how bad an idea it was. Stay tuned!


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