While looking for a card to send this season (and doing it way too late, because that's how I roll), I found myself at odds with the available templates. I do not feel joyful. I am not wishing good things for all of my fellow men. I do not see much peace in the world right now, and I sure as shit am not merry. So I was having a bit of trouble finding a card that felt both seasonally appropriate and also honest. And then I came across THIS bullshit:
What the fuck? What the actual fuck? Who the FUCK is ordering this card and sending it to friends and family? Are there people out there who seriously believe 2016 was awesome???
This silly, unimportant, holiday card template made me unbelievably angry. It made me angry at the fake Ericsson family going about their stupid imaginary life of white privilege with sleds and ice cream and walking to school with dumb pink and blue lunch boxes or whatever the fuck those things are in that picture on the left.
It made me want to take those fucking pies and smash them into the faces of every single person who isn't concerned that 2016 signals the beginning of the end of the world, who isn't sad to the bone about the people we lost this year, who isn't afraid for the civil rights and physical safety of women, minorities, the LGBT community, or anyone who is "different" in any way at all, every single person who isn't crying real tears over what is happening in Syria while the world stands by and does nothing (I know that two pies would not be enough but I am willing to bet the Ericksons are the kind of people that bake a lot of pies as good, wholesome, family fun).
Yes, I am willing to consider the possibility that the Ericksons may be innocent victims of some misplaced anger on my part.
I showed the holiday card template to a friend of mine (a kind and intelligent person who shall remain nameless as she would probably just as soon not be connected in any way to this particular post) and said "This makes me want to create the real version." She was like, "Go for it." And that is how I spent last night.
Let the following be a lesson to everyone that telling me to "Go for it" is not something one should do lightly:
I was also becoming more enraged and depressed while making it, and while there are valid reasons to be both right now I am trying very hard to not be full of anger and fear and grief (or at least to not be paralyzed by anger and fear and grief). Which is difficult when sifting though images of the events of 2016. So I opted for "done" in the place of "perfect" and stopped after a couple of hours.
Readers, do not worry. I have come down from Rage Mountain and will not be sending the above to the people on my holiday card list. I ordered appropriate cards showing my sweet boys being happy, reveling in the innocence that comes from being eight and ten years old and not yet knowing how horrible a place the world can be. I will be putting those cards in the mail tomorrow (shut up, I am going to the post office TOMORROW, I swear). And in the meantime, I am using sites like this to make sure I stand up, speak out, take action and never, ever, ever stop fighting.
Happy Holidays and Lots of Extra Love to Absolutely Everyone 💗